ourladytrees | the magician and the sorcerer

[ That first response is one she should have expected, honestly. It's normal for him and she really is getting used to it, but she's glad he pulls back and tries again. She isn't usually one to take a lot of things personally but she'd hate for one of these times to be the exception to the rule.

Oh, she's noticed that they have quite a few things in common. It actually borders on hilarious some days, those similarities piling up and yet never feeling oppressive or annoying. If anything, they simply help them understand each other better, and that's never a bad thing. ]

I'm sorry.

[ She doesn't even think about it before she reaches up to set her hand on his arm on the back of the chaise, her fingers so close to those horrible scars and yet still safely resting on the fabric of his sweatshirt. Close, meaningful, but safe. ]

Do you want to talk about it? [ He'd heard enough of her shit earlier, she feels like she should offer to balance the scales a little. ]

Hmm. In some ways, it doesn't feel like my story to tell.

[ And yet, he still blamed himself for so much of it. If he'd only tried harder. If only he'd checked up on Wanda sooner. If only he'd found the right combination of words to get through to her. If only, if only. SWORD had buried the news out of Westview, so her misdemeanours hadn't become as common knowledge in the media as they could've been, and yet. ]

You're probably familiar with the Avengers? With that team having dissolved and having gone their separate ways, though, there was no one checking up on each other. A teammate was grieving the loss of her family, and it pushed her into a tremendously dark place. No one realised quite how bad it had gotten. She studied dark magic and killed a lot of people in trying to get her family back, and I had to fight her. Most of it played out in other universes or at Kamar-Taj, so I don't think it really became common knowledge over here. They're actually still rebuilding the temple.

[ His gaze drifts down to Julia's fingers against his arm, and he considers the coven she'd mentioned. A man trying to get his son back, another trying to survive cancer. Everyone has the fulcrum by which they can be moved. ]

And the thing is, even after everything, I understand what drove her to that point. I visited other universes and learned about other versions of myself, and it turns out the line is ridiculously thin; it could've just as easily been me, magically corrupted like that. A bit like being without your shade, I suppose. And like you and I were saying, desperation drives people to do desperate things.

I just wish I'd gotten through to her before it reached that point.

[ What could she possibly say in the face of that? Yes, she can sympathize from the perspective of being that desperate person who was so willing to do the darkest acts in order to get what she wanted. An entire species had been eradicated and she'd nearly killed an innocent man — she'd nearly gotten Q killed and not felt one bit of remorse for it. But none of that will help right now.

So Julia's silent for a long moment, rubbing her thumb back and forth over his sweatshirt so he knows she's thinking and it's not just some sort of awkward moment she wants to escape from. This is an important moment that deserves proper consideration. ]

I'd never thought about the pain all of you endured because of everything that happened. How fucked up is that? [ It actually hurts to realize just how self-centered she and the rest of the world have been. ] If you failed her, then so did everyone else on this planet. We owe all of you a debt and this is a really shitty way to repay it.

[ She's so angry at herself for it that she can feel the burning of tears in her eyes that she refuses to let fall. For decades now, people have talked about how soldiers returning from war have been failed by the state and the people they were working to protect, and now here they are, failing the soldiers who had protected their entire planet. It's just so... wrong. ]

I think I was actually lucky. I was one of the vanished. Which feels like a strange thing to be grateful for, being removed from existence for five years— but at least I didn't have to be around to see the broken pieces, to feel the loss, to lose hope. I just got to come back for the round two. [ Stephen's attempt at a smile is thin, and a little frayed around the edges. He doesn't want to touch on the things that he, specifically, had seen and done in that war. Not tonight; they've already covered enough.

He takes another sip of his martini. ]

But yes, you're right. They went through a lot in that battle. I'm not sure anyone's really done picking up the pieces yet.

[ A world without Stephen Strange seems so small. Picturing it feels impossible, his presence in her life has already become so great, so the thought of him not being there anymore... She doesn't want to think about it. Enough horrible things have happened in her life that she doesn't need to add to the list. ]

As someone who's become something of an expert on PTSD, they'll probably never be able to pick up all those pieces. [ Her hand falls away from his arm and she takes a rather large sip of her drink, the slight bitterness of the vermouth dancing on the back of her tongue. ] But despite that, and despite all the incredible things they're capable of, they're still just people, and people heal.

[ It sounds like she's reminding herself of that too. ]

Point. And time heals— most wounds.

[ He'd been about to say "all", that good old trite aphorism, but his scarred fingers bent around the stem of the cocktail glass proves that wrong. The wounds themselves might have healed over time but the permanent damage had been done, and would never be the same again. He wonders if there's another aphorism to cover that part.

As she moves her hand away, Stephen realises he already misses that comforting, anchoring physical contact. And in that moment, he also realises that something has shifted between them. For a whole variety of reasons: both of them opening up and trading stories of their worst damage, her seeing him shirtless and injured and vulnerable, her being present in these private chambers at all. He hadn't expected it when he'd sent that message roaring into the subway token and called for Julia's help, but that balance of intimacy has tipped again, more walls tumbling, more doors opening. He doesn't feel like the sorcerer, Doctor Strange, anymore, her polite and distant teacher. He's just Stephen. They're friends. ]

It does, though, underscore what a good thing you're doing for Q. Keeping an eye on one's friends, doing what you can for them. I'd stopped paying close enough attention. Not to excuse it at all, but I think over my lifetime as a surgeon, I grew too used to people coming to me. You solve puzzles, you solve problems, but you're not looking for them to preempt them; they tend to land on your doorstep, fully-formed.

[ And by the time Wanda Maximoff had finally wound up at his doorstep, the problem had already festered beyond his ability to fix. The Darkhold like a tumour, metastasizing. ]

[ "Most wounds" is right. She's never believed that aphorism because nothing can heal all wounds; some are too deep and scarring to ever fully heal. Instead, the bearers of those scars simply learn how to live with them, finding new ways to carry that pain with them and function in a world where most people will never understand them.

Julia watches him for a moment, thinking over his words and the way he's carefully considered his own shortcomings. The fact that he's admitting the part he played in this woman's fall is bigger than he probably realizes, as is the way he's examined what in himself helped lead to it. ]

Nothing I say can make things better or easier for you to carry, but now that you know what to look for, you can try to make sure it doesn't happen again. Growing in a way that can help others is a way for you to honor her and the family she lost.

[ That's what she's doing, after all. Nothing can erase the horrible things she did or what she was unable to stop from happening, but she can do better from now on. If she's ever going to be able to live her life, that has to be enough. ]

Like you and the trees. I suppose that's all we can do. Just try not to make the same mistakes a second time.

[ It is a little annoying being on the receiving end of his own advice. It's always so much easier to dispense it as a know-it-all than to have to turn a stark eye onto his own failings. (Medice, cura te ipsum.) But he's realising he doesn't quite mind Julia mirroring those gentle lessons and reminders back at him, either. He'd bristled at it, once upon a time in a different life, but too much criticism from the Ancient One (and Wong, and Mordo—) had made him better at handling it. A dash of humility. A reminder of one's shortcomings.

Readjusting his position, Stephen stretches out his long legs to prop his feet against the coffee table (when he'd transformed the sweatpants, the muddy boots had apparently also changed into worn house slippers, because why not go for broke). ]

— if you ever find yourself starting to comb through ancient forbidden texts in the search to resurrect Fillory's magic, though, then please do give me a headsup beforehand and I can try to deliver a reality check. Forewarned is forearmed.

[ He's still doing his usual light-hearted thing; but he can't elide the fact that it did hurt, losing a friend that way, and he absolutely doesn't want it to happen again. Knowing what he does of Julia and the lengths she'll go to (just like him), it might not be an unwarranted worry. ]

[ If Stephen hadn't prefaced that light-hearted warning/request with the story of his friend's loss, she might have written it off like any other dysfunctional workaholic who doesn't always know when to stop. But she understands now that he really is worried about history repeating itself and, as much as she might not want to, she acknowledges her own often unhealthy habits and how dangerous they could be in certain situations. So, while she matches her tone to his, she does take his words to heart. ]

I promise I won't read any big scary books without telling you first.

[ She can't promise that she won't read those ancient forbidden texts, even with a pile of warning she's still Julia Wicker, but she can promise to give him a chance to talk sense into her first. Hopefully, that can be enough for the both of them. ]

[ There was a reason he'd purposefully phrased it as a headsup, and not a promise me you won't — because the latter would've been an impossible promise for either of them, most likely. So he nods, behind another slow sip of his martini (savouring it and trying to draw it out as long as possible, because he's enjoying the conversation). ]

Good enough. Thanks.

Two minds on a problem are generally better than one, too.

I've always found that to be true.

[ Smiling behind her glass, she takes a sip of her own drink, trying to make it last much longer than she usually would. Despite the emotional ups and downs and the part where he was a slightly bloody mess, she's really enjoyed their conversation this evening and isn't quite ready for it to end.

Speaking of... ]

So you're sure containment can actually contain the giant spider monster? Because I really don't want to have to deal with that thing again.

[ Tipping his head back against the chaise again, Stephen lets out a long exaggerated (and exasperated) groan, the unenviable reality of his situation sinking in again now that she's reminded him of it. Welp, there is a whole Situation waiting for him in the basement. ]

The cells are fine — they've contained multiple supervillains with a variety of powers before — but oh god, I'm going to have to extract my sling ring from that creature later. There's going to be gore and ichor everywhere. It'll be like waiting for your dog to vomit up a valuable it swallowed, except a million times worse.

Welcome to the glamorous life of a sorcerer, Julia; sorry it's terrible.

[ Okay, yeah, that's pretty damn terrible. There's no hiding the cringe that morphs her entire expression (probably comically so), and she really feels for the man. Not that she's a stranger to gore and other disgusting things, but it's really never a pleasant experience.

She might regret this next part, but here goes. ]

I can help. I'm okay with gross things. [ Meaning she's thankfully got a strong stomach. ] The test I had to pass to get into the hedge safehouse involved cutting the fat out of a corpse to use in a heat-producing spell so we didn't die of hypothermia. Spider guts seem pretty on par with that.

You did what with a what now? [ He tilts his head, stares at her in some mingled combination of being mildly horrified but also surprised and impressed. He might have had his dealings with hedges, but for obvious reasons, he'd never actually known what their initiations were like. ]

I'll say it again about you as a nurse. The 'strong stomach' part seems to apply.

I'll take it under advisement.

[ She echoes his earlier words with a smile, more than a little pleased with the look on his face. Not the mildly horrified part, though it's certainly warranted, but the rest... It feels good to impress him, and she's betting he doesn't get nearly enough good surprises in his life these days.

With another sip of her drink, she reaches the bottom of the glass and feels a little sadder for it. She leans forward to set her glass on the table and then gestures to the mess from wrapping his wounds. ]

I should probably clean this up and let you get some rest. Being filleted by a monster seems like it'd be kind of exhausting.

[ At the mention of rest, his gaze drifts to the bedroom doorway at the end of the parlour.

And it's like a spark of sense-memory, and for the first time in a long time — since before the accident, even — Stephen suddenly remembers that delicate balance and how he'd once walked that tightrope with aplomb. Driving a woman back to his place in the Lamborghini, or taking a cab home if he'd already been drinking. Having a nightcap in his penthouse apartment and showing off that glittering floor-to-ceiling view of Manhattan. The conversation winding down and the inevitable push-and-pull of subtle intimations and trying to suss each other out, the unspoken would you like to.

But this isn't that, Stephen, he reminds himself, and so he simply drains the rest of his drink in one fell swoop and sets it aside, too. Rises back to his feet with another sigh and an agreeing nod. ]

Kind of. I'll get some rest, and give you a call later on when we're ready to take out the trash— wake me up if the spider-demon starts rampaging out of the laundry room, but I do think it'll be alright. Those wards are built to hold worse.

[ There's a grateful twinkle in his eye, a fondness in his voice: ]

And I think I said it before, but thank you again. For coming.

Edited 2022-07-17 23:04 (UTC)

You're welcome.

[ There's a world of sincerity in those words and a good deal of fondness to match his own and she finds herself not wanting to leave. They don't even have to keep talking, he could go to bed and she could just stay up and read one of the million books in his rooms, listening to make sure he's alright while he sleeps. But she doesn't quite feel like she can offer that yet, no matter how much she wants to, and anything else is... Off the table.

Grabbing the bowl of dirty water and a handful of supplies, she flashes him another smile while offering a playful warning as she moves toward the door. ]

And don't worry, if there's rampaging, you will definitely hear about it. [ Then, with seriousness and yet more affection: ] Goodnight, Stephen.

the magician and the sorcerer — psl

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